Wednesday, January 20, 2010

To be, or not to be... happy.

After almost 8 years together, Jimmel told me she doesn't want to continue our relationship anymore. It wasn't a complete shock, we had been having fights over trust issues almost every weekend we saw each other for the past few months. Of course we have been working through our most recent issues for almost a year, but she would say that she hasn't been happy for a long time. That makes me sad. I keep thinking about things I could have done differently in our relationship that maybe wouldn't have made it end this way. But the more I think about it, the more I think that Jimmel just isn't happy period. If I would have done things different I think she still would have felt incomplete, and not happy, and it would have only posponed this journey another year or two. I don't think that leaving me is going to make her (in the long run) any happier. But I hope it does. I hope she does find out what in her life can make her happy, and obviously if it really was me and our relationship that was making her miserable, then I am ashamed. But I can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, and would I really want to? So I am giving her what she wants, no fighting, no trying to talk her out of it, just going to walk away. Maybe one day she will look back at our relationship and determine that as rough as it had been going, she wishes she would have chosen differently. I will probably never know. Well, I've had enough thinking about this today. Later guys.

JR... out.

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